


Tired

by Signpainter (Tsukishun)



Category: Other - Fandom
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-04-12 11:07:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19130788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsukishun/pseuds/Signpainter
Summary: What is it?What are you trying to prove?...I really wish I knew.





	1. Ramblings

What is it?

 

What are you trying to prove?

 

Well, it doesn't matter.

 

...I'm dying anyways.

 

Well it's not confirmed yet.

 

But admit it.

 

You know your body is trying to kill itself.

 

I know I'm growing weaker.

 

...Soon I'll just fade away.

 

And they will say good riddance.

 

You are panicked.

 

I am rational.

 

You are afraid.

 

I do not care.

 

Liar.

 

Liar.

 

...

 

I don't really know what to think anymore.

 

Whether it's you or me, it doesn't matter.

 

My fate remains the same.

 

It always has.

 

And I was foolish to think it could change.

 

...Ironic coming from someone who once said anything could change.

 

What a mantra.

 

A hopeless endeavor.

 

Well, it doesn't matter.

 

...

 

There are billions of stars in the sky.

 

When you stop and think about it, we're so insignificant as human beings.

 

Our lives are just a mere fraction of a second, untraceable in the grand scheme of expanding time.

 

The stars look little to us.

 

We look little to the stars.

 

At least we can see the stars.

 

The same can't be said for us.

 

I've always admired the stars.

 

Their soft light contrast against a dark sky.

 

It was beautiful.

 

...

 

This is what happens when I'm exhausted and let my mind wander.

 

I should make something about my return, but my energy to do things has been on the decline.

 

So that either means this is significant for me.

 

Or.

 

...I dunno.

 

I don't know where this was going.

 

Or why I did it at all.

 

It's all a bit of a mess right now.

 

...

 

I never left.

 

I've been watching from a distance silently.

 

I think it's something I'm fairly good it.

 

It's my natural inclination.

 

To watch.

 

To not engage.

 

Every time I step out from the safety of my perch, I get torn to shreds by others.

 

Physically, emotionally, spiritually, vitally...

 

...I wonder if they still have their tokens, their spoils.

 

Some wear them like badges of pride, others discard them like trash.

 

I don't know which disgusts me more.

 

...

 

Je n'ai pas eu de rêves.

 

Je n'ai pas fait de cauchemars.

 

Il n'y a rien.

 

Éviter.

 

Il devrait y avoir quelque chose là-bas mais il n'y en a pas.

 

Je ne me sens pas bien.

 

Il y avait autre chose là-bas, plus souvent des cauchemars que des rêves.

 

Je détestais les cauchemars.

 

Je déteste plus le vide.

 

...My French hasn't gotten any better over the years.

 

...

 

Well, if it seems disjointed, thoughts commonly are.

 

There wasn't really a scheme to this word vomit.

 

...I just needed to type.

 

...I needed them out of my head.

 

...

 

I don't know what the point to this is.

 

If there even is one.

 

There is.

 

But I doubt you would know it.

 

...

 

A million dreams for the world we're gonna make.

 

...

 

That world is going to fall apart one day.

 

One day you'll wake up and see reality again.

 

I want to believe that...

 

The alternative is much too saddening.

 

...I cared for you once.

 

And I'd be a liar if I said I don't care still...

 

*Shrugs*

 

...

 

Farewell to the sun and the moon.

 

I'll reside on the broken debris floating further and further away.

 

There was a light I saw a million miles away.

 

I would chase it wherever, no matter how far.

 

In the end it doesn't even matter.

 

But a single task that could never be completed.

 

That's what gave us the drive to keep on living.

 

...

 

I'm tired.

 

Can you tell?

 

...

 

I want to shake you from your slumber.

 

I want to say "Good morning! Rise and shine sleepy head!"

 

I want to smile at you like I did before.

 

...You're sleeping now.

 

Sleeping in many senses.

 

And I fear that you'll never wake up.

 

That the dream is far better than reality.

 

...

 

...I know reality hurts.

 

...Trust me I know.

 

...

 

Hiding from the truth won't fix things.

 

You said that yourself once.

 

Well now take a good long look in the mirror.

 

I'm not asking.

 

I'm telling.

 

Look.

 

Remember.

 

...

 

I never would've given it a second thought in any other circumstance.

 

But damn it, I'm still stuck.

 

There's some kind of draw that lingers even now.

 

But I can't tell if it's because of a red thread or unfinished business...

 

...

 

Regardless of the irrelevant circumstances that led to this...

 

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

I'm sorry it had such a cataclysmic effect on your life.

 

...But you need to wake up.

 

You need to move on.

 

You need to face facts.

 

And I'm sorry if that's painful.

 

I'm sorry if you don't want to do it.

 

But life doesn't care if you don't want to or not.

 

...

 

I'm tired.

 

That's all I have to say really.

 

...

 

Well then.

 

...

 

...

 

..

 

.


	2. Insomniac

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I thought it was the end.
> 
> I saw a peaceful dream.
> 
> Now I am awake.
> 
> ...Dreams terrify me.

I thought it was the end.

I saw a peaceful dream.

Now I am awake.

...Dreams terrify me.

…

No one can feel what I feel.

Some can sympathize or even empathize, but in the end the only person who will feel my feelings is me.

And this terror that runs deep through my core...

It keeps me restless.

I can no longer sleep without dread.

That I might fall asleep and never wake up again.

...It wasn't even a good dream.

…

I was right in my speculation.

I nearly...

…

Too soon.

It's too soon to speak of it.

…

I had to purge everything.

I didn't have a choice.

If I left with threads still tied to me, I would never forgive myself.

Causing pain in others was never my intent.

Better to leave them than to *leave* them.

Even now, my body runs cold at the thought.

…

Things are still in disarray.

My body is at ends with itself.

Frustrated.

Disappointed.

I can barely stomach food.

I cannot get any rest.

I'm not dead... but I'm barely living.

Parts of me died... but I'm still here.

Somehow.

Why?

…

It doesn't make any sense to me.

And now of all times...

…

Last night I cried endlessly.

The skies seemingly echoed my grief.

Their tears hammered the earth relentlessly.

Such an abysmal song to echo in the night.

And even now as I write, they fall still.

Without the guiding transition of sleep, days and nights blur into a conglomerate of time.

Limitless and ethereal.

Chaotic and fine.

The rain blurs the windows.

Tears blur my eyes.

…

It was so dark.

There was nothing to greet me.

No one.

No heaven.

No hell.

No afterlife to speak of.

Darkness.

Darker.

Darker.

And yet darker.

An inescapable void.

Centuries passed and I remained.

Millenia passed and I remained.

In that time the whole universe was born, lived, and died.

And yet I still remained.

...It was a terrible dream.

…

…

..

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know what to say.
> 
> If anything, I'm just grateful that I still draw breath.
> 
> I'm no longer in that void.
> 
> For now.
> 
> I cannot promise I won't ever be put back there.
> 
> Nor that I will escape to tell the tale.
> 
> …
> 
> I'm cold.
> 
> I'm tired.
> 
> I've been busy.
> 
> There's a long list of things I could say or show.
> 
> But without energy it's nigh impossible to even do this much.
> 
> Forgive my weakness.
> 
> …
> 
> The rain continues to fall.
> 
> …
> 
> I am still here.
> 
> Waiting.
> 
> Hoping.
> 
> …
> 
> Is it so risky...? 
> 
> To reach out my hand?
> 
> …
> 
> To any and all who stumble upon this small insignificant corner of the internet.
> 
> Hi.
> 
> Hello.
> 
> You exist.
> 
> You draw breath.
> 
> Don't lose it.
> 
> I hope you're well.
> 
> Take care out there.  
> ...  
> Signed- The Signpainter  
> ........

**Author's Note:**

> Just the middle of the night ramblings of an ill individual.
> 
> ...Time really does fly the longer it goes on.
> 
> If I seem somber in this well...
> 
> At least it's something.
> 
> It's better than feeling nothing at all.
> 
> Just like how moving backwards is better than standing still.
> 
> ...I mean technically we're still always moving.
> 
> ...
> 
> Don't pay attention to the "you" in this.
> 
> It's just a generalizing term.
> 
> And I honestly don't remember who I was addressing.
> 
> ...Probably me.
> 
> Or maybe it was you, who knows?
> 
> We all live in some kind of dream in our heads.
> 
> That's what daydreaming is for.
> 
> But it becomes dangerous when we don't wake up.
> 
> ...
> 
> Anyways, I'm not quite sure what this is, if it's going to be a one time thing or whatever else it turns into.
> 
> I'll keep things open.
> 
> An open mind for an open kind.
> 
> Or something like that.
> 
> I dunno.
> 
> I'm too lazy to tell.
> 
> Anyways.
> 
> If someone happens to stumble along this little piece of the internet.
> 
> Hello.
> 
> Hi.
> 
> I hope you're well.
> 
> Take care out there.
> 
> ...
> 
> Signed- The Signpainter
> 
> ........


End file.
